Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
