I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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