wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
