my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
