Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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