Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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