yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You took a bar mat shot.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
FUCK WHALES
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
