You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
