If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
