...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
