I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
