I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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