so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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