We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
