Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
