so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
