I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
