If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
