I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
