It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
