You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
