So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
