I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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