No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
