is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
