Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
