I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
