Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
