we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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