The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
