we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize