I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Mom said you looked used
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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