I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
