your thong is hanging out like whoa
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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