You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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