her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
