The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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