there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
