I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's never too late to be topless.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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