and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
