There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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