I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
