But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
