it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
