You can't special order awesome
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
