So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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