I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
