you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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