My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
