You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
