Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
