I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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