Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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