Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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