So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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