I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
