I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
