He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i came on her dog
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will pee on everything he values.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
