Can Purell be used as lube?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
