i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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