i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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