she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
