I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
