hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
